Well I’m just over 24 weeks, which is great news!
Last Saturday I felt Baby kick properly for the first time. Over the previous few days I had felt a few ‘flutterings’, but I wasn’t sure whether these were actual kicks or just muscle spasms. Last Saturday evening, however, it felt slightly more pronounced so I felt more confident that they were really kicks. BT even put his hand on my tummy and verified that they were GENUINE REAL LIFE kicks and not just my own delusions!
Fast forward a week, and last night (Saturday evening) we actually saw my tummy twitch when baby was kicking. It wasn’t particularly obvious, but if we paid attention we could see it.
Both of these events were so overwhelming. I had started to get a little worried that, at 23 weeks, I hadn’t felt anything, so I am so grateful that the kicks have started coming. I don’t think I’ll ever be annoyed about him kicking me or moving around lots!
Unfortunately my anxiety about things going wrong is getting higher and higher. It’s possibly exacerbated by everything that has been going on at work, meaning that my general anxiety levels are at an all time high anyway, then about two weeks ago it was reported that Tana Ramsay had miscarried* their child at five months, the same stage I am at. I can’t say I’m a huge fan of the Ramsays, but it must be absolutely heartbreaking for them. The media was then full of stories of people who had miscarried late in their pregnancies. It was heartbreaking and terrifying. Then last week one of BT’s friends announced that she had had a stillbirth at term. I have never met her, but I just feel so devastated for her, her husband and their families. Nobody should have that happen. I just wish that there was something that someone could do or say to help them, but there just isn’t anything.
For all that I am terrified though, I am trying my best to just live in the moment and be grateful that right now things are ok. We are getting to the stage where premature babies start getting much better survival odds, which provides a little reassurance. At 24 weeks, between approximately 40-70% premature babies can survive (quite a big variance!) but by 27 weeks it will go up to more than 90%. 27 weeks is therefore a massive target!
So this weekend we are just trying to take it easy. We don’t have any exciting plans, except looking after Dog and all the cats while my parents are away (a dog and four cats take up a lot of time and space! They also create a lot of mess 🙂 ). I am trying to give Dog as much love as possible, as he really doesn’t have much time left. His back legs have gone and his tumour is growing, so we know what we need to do, but every time we have the “is it time?” conversation he perks up and suddenly seems a little better (usually involving him stealing some cake from us or slobbering us with affection!) and we wonder if we’re being too hasty.
I also feel a little subdued because of the whole Brexit vote. I appreciate this is just my opinion, but I find it unbelievable and I am so sad for the opportunities that will be taken away from future generations. I genuinely think we will be worse off financially and that many people will lose their jobs, but what upsets me most is that a large part of my identity (and the identity of so many of my friends) has been taken away from us by people we just can’t respect or begin to understand. Overnight, we have lost the freedom to easily work in 27 other countries and for those people to come to work in Britain. While I personally do not have plans to work in any of those specific countries, a number of my friends do and a number of them have met their long term partners as a result of those opportunities.
There has been a lot of goading on Facebook from ‘leave’ campaigners** about how we are “sore losers” and how we cry for democracy but then don’t approve of it when we lose (thankfully I only seem to have about 5 or 6 of these people on my Facebook. I am not just saying this as I am a “sore loser”, but most of those people just so happen to be genuine cretins). The thing is, I do believe in democracy and I do understand that we lost and that I am ultimately going to have to accept that, but that shouldn’t have to stop me from feeling complete despair at the values and short-sightedness of so many of my neighbours and being devastated about what they have thrown away for the future. Besides, this is something we can’t get back. It is not like a national election, where you have the opportunity to change your mind four years later . This is, unfortunately, forever.
Anyway, I told myself that I wouldn’t get too political in this post so I better stop now!
Right now the sun is shining, I’m surrounded by five animals (and a husband) and I’m away from my horrible job. Things are good!
Have a good weekend everyone x x x
*I thought it was technically a stillbirth at this stage? i.e. after 24 weeks. That said, the title doesn’t affect the the situation and feelings of those involved.
**In the interest of full disclosure, I admit that I have not been particularly passive or polite on Facebook!