***As the title suggests, my post below talks a lot about my pregnancy. I’ve deliberately waited to post this until a few of you had some good news, but I appreciate that some of you are not having the best of times fertility-wise so may not want to read this right now. Next time I’ll just put up a load of cat photos!!!***
Wahoo! We’ve made it to 18 weeks. I can’t believe we’re actually half way there.
In some ways the past 15 weeks or so (since we found out that I was pregnant) have been the slowest weeks of my life. The wait to get the initial scan, then the times in between scans, have gone by agonisingly slowly and in all honesty I haven’t been able to relax and just “enjoy” pregnancy so far (cheers sub-fertility!).
On the other hand, it feels mad that we’re basically half way through a pregnancy. After the years of trying and monthly disappointment and fighting for tests and operations and IVF referrals and having months pass between each stage of the fertility process, to be able to say after just 18 weeks that I am half way through a pregnancy just seems crazy.
So in good news, there is still a baby there. Wahoo! We had a private gender scan a few weeks ago which was very exciting and made it feel even more real.
From day one I have just ‘known’ we were having a boy (which is weird, because I usually don’t buy into that sort of stuff). Everyone else, bar one friend, thought it would be a girl. Anyway, our scan was pretty *ahem* obvious and I can report that we’re having a little boy! My intuition was clearly spot on 🙂We’re both over the moon, especially BT who admitted “every man wants a little mini-me”. (Although yesterday he said “every man wants a little girl because girls always dote on their dads”. I think he’s a confused individual.)
The next step is to have the anomaly scan which is scheduled to take place in early June. That will be a huge step and I am so scared about something going wrong. We have yet to make any concrete plans or buy a single baby item, as it all just feels too early and as if there are just too many hurdles to jump through. When we try to explain this to people they almost always say “Well of course you’ll be fine”. I guess people just don’t get it unless they’ve also struggled to get pregnant and/or have miscarried.
We’re starting to let everyone know about the pregnancy, which feels like a massive gamble. We’re not making a big song and dance about it, but when people get in touch we’re casually mentioning it to them. We’ve agreed we’re going to be quite upfront about how it hasn’t been easy and how it didn’t happen overnight. While some people have been a little bit funny about it (“I don’t see why you feel the need to tell [people] that”… “Well, because some people are f*cking ignorant and the more they learn about real life the better. Also there’s a very high chance several of our friends are going through the same thing and if us being honest makes them feel a little less alone and desperate, then that’s good enough for me”).
On the whole people have been very supportive, ranging from “We essentially fell pregnant following a one night stand so can’t imagine what you have been through, but if you ever want to talk…” to one of BT’s best friends who messaged me about their own problems saying “We’ve been trying less than a year, but I always thought it would happen quickly. As the months go by I feel like more and more of a failure, but you’ve given me hope that it will happen”. It’s a funny old world. You could never guess the people that fell pregnant easily and those that have struggled/are struggling/will struggle. For all the guidance I have seen about not drinking/not smoking/not being overweight/not being underweight/not being brunette*, all my ‘unhealthy’ friends who wanted to get pregnant fell pregnant straight away and many of my ‘healthiest’ friends have struggled. I hate that so many people blame themselves (as I did) when I really think in the majority of cases it is purely bad luck.
I still feel so strongly that infertility, sub fertility, IVF, miscarriage and adoption** need to be talked about more openly. There shouldn’t be any shame or secrecy surrounding any of it, and people need much better access to professional help. I have shared a few posts on Facebook about IVF recently (not one person commented, which says a lot) and I have already started preparing a few letters to local members of parliament (both where I live and where I work) requesting that they start allowing the full 3 NHS cycles of IVF. It is not much at all, but it’s a start. Just because things are (hopefully) working out for me, I will never ever forget what it felt like or what so many women (and men) are going through (many of which have been battling for so much longer than we did and have been through so many cycles of IVF).
Anyway, enough chat from me today. Have a lovely weekend everyone! I can’t wait to read about what you all get up to.
*This is a lie. I have never seen this anywhere. I wouldn’t be surprised of some “expert” says this though…
**I have added adoption because I got so sick of people saying “Why don’t you JUST adopt” or “Have you thought about adoption?”. It just angers me so much, as there is so much ignorance and assumption around this subject. We thought a lot about adoption, and I feel that at some point we will probably still explore this route, BUT there is so much you need to think about and you have to make many more sacrifices than you usually do when you have a biological child and it is something you both need to go into with your eyes wide open.