Life is just so short

I called in sick today.  I hardly ever call in sick.  In my 16 years of working, I can count my sick days on one hand.  But today I just felt AWFUL.  The sickness from the weekend had got worse, and truth be told I am feeling mentally fragile after some incredibly stressful days at work which have triggered a bad patch of anxiety (a post in itself).

In all honesty, today just felt wrong from the start.

Then I went on Facebook and I saw I had a friend request from the sister of a friend of mine, “N”.  The moment I saw that message my heart just sank.  My friend, “L”, has been very sick for a long time.  For the years that I have known her she has struggled with anorexia and she has always been so skinny that I could not understand how she could even get out of bed.  Yet the whole time I have known her she has insisted on keeping a job (except she has moved from place to place, as they often ask her to leave.  The cynic in me is sure that this is not because she was bad, but because the corporates clearly didn’t want the liability of employing someone so sick).

Anyway, I instantly feared the worst.  I tried to convince myself that perhaps it wasn’t quite as bad as I suspected (“She’s been admitted to hospital”) or even something good (“We want to organise a surprise party”), but deep down I knew.  So when the news came that she had passed away, I wasn’t actually surprised.

I am just so angry.  Why did this have to happen to her? She was so genuinely lovely.  One of those people that would do anything for anybody.  She always put others ahead of her and never spoke badly of anyone.

She didn’t have many friends because people thought she was “weird”, which always annoyed me so much.  She wasn’t “weird” because she took an interest in people and didn’t bitch and was softly spoken and was always trying to help.  She was one of those warm, genuine, generous people that everyone complains that we need more of.  She was the loyal friend.  I am just heartbroken that this got the better of her.

Life is so very short and so very cruel.

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9 thoughts on “Life is just so short

  1. I am so very sorry. My best friend has struggled with this disease off and on for a couple decades and is also not doing well. It makes me wonder how I can encourage her health yet a little bit more. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. This is something I fear in my life, and I do deeply sympathize. Hugs.

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    1. Thank you StealingNectar. As you’ll know, it’s such a ruthless brutal disease and sufferers are simply powerless to stop it. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Do you think she wants to beat it? Is she seeking any help? How horrible for you having to stand by and watch her, when ultimately there really is nothing you can do. I am sending so many positive thoughts your way x x x

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      1. Thank you as well. She got very healthy for about a decade, but she is in a serious relapse. I think she wants help but doesn’t know how to get momentum to start making serious changes. It has been a rough 4-5 years watching her relapse. We aren’t so young anymore, so the toll on our bodies is more serious anytime we treat them unkindly. That’s the scary part. You understand in the saddest way. Many positive thoughts to you today.

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  2. Thank you. I really hope your friend gets better, permanently. I know the disease is one step forward, two steps back (and that’s for the “lucky” ones). I wish you and your friend some luck over the next few years. You both deserve some after everything you’ve been through!x

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  3. Oh my gosh how gut wrenching. I am so sorry for her, you, her family and everyone who had to watch the suffering and could not help. It is such a severe mental disorder and having known a few people who suffered with this I am so very sympathetic. And you are right. Life is so short and simply the compilation of how we choose to spend our moments. So sorry for your loss. Hugs.

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    1. Thank you Mama for your kind words. You are so right: life is just the compilation of how we chose to spend our moments. It has got me thinking so much (as if I wasn’t already!) about what matters to me and I know I need to make some life changes.

      I just feel so desperately sad that I won’t see L again, I won’t hear her constant positively or have a smile on my face when I see a text from her. It is just such a waste. I know it’s a cliche, but why do the good ones die young?

      Thank you for taking the time to post and to think of me x x x

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