I’ll cut to the ending first: our friends are pregnant.
I know I can never say this in real life, but I am so unbelievably jealous and feel so resentful towards them. It’s not that I want anyone to suffer in this way, but why does it have to be SO DAMN EASY for everyone else but seemingly IMPOSSIBLE for us.
So our friends got married at the end of September. At the wedding they were very vocal about wanting a “honeymoon baby” and how they’d be starting their family soon. Although I didn’t voice it at the time, I was so angry that they had the arrogance to be so sure that they could and would have a family soon. Even before we started trying, I would never have talked about our plans in such a cavalier way as I understood that nothing in life is guaranteed.
Anyway, as I mentioned, I would never want anyone else to go through what we’re going through. I wouldn’t even want them to go through half of what we’ve gone through so far! But did they really have to fall pregnant so easily on what was probably (making massive assumptions) their very first “go”? It just all seems so unfair.
I had already guessed what had happened from a not-so-subtle Facebook post, but it was confirmed yesterday by a massive group message. It just stings so much that we have wanted this for years without any success. We have put in so much time, effort, heartache and (particularly once the IVF cycles start happening) money. We have been through so much and feel so low and still have nothing to show for it. But then our friends come along and the moment they decide they want this, they get it so easily.
They just have no concept of the heartache of trying month after month and the terror that it may NEVER happen. As they send their ‘cutesy’ messages and brag (understandably) about how excited they are and expect this outpouring of excitement from us (which we will fake), I genuinely don’t think that it will have crossed their minds that their news is killing us and that I cried from sheer despair when I got their message. How can they understand what we’re going through when it’s come so easily to them? They’ve never had the heartache of feeling symptoms then your period coming or a BFN, or the stress of trying to make sure you’re both in the right place at the right time to “do the deed” or the endless sleepless night spent googling everything “fertility”and losing all hope.
I know nobody outside the infertility and long-term-TTC club will understand and they would probably all be horrified about how resentful I feel, but couldn’t we please just have a little bit of their luck?!