A little update…

We finally had our appointment at the Fertility Clinic and I don’t really know how I feel about it all.

In short, we ran through my test results and BT’s results and the consultant thinks that is is “possible” to conceive naturally but she would not say what that actually meant.  When I questioned her about our actual chances, she just said “usually we say that 90% of healthy couples will conceive within two years”.  This is quite unhelpful as (from a fertility perspective) we are not “healthy” and also I am AT YOUR CLINIC due to the length of time we have been trying, so I am clearly already in this 10%.  What I needed her to say was either “there are no guarantees but if you keep having regular sex I think you’ll conceive within the next year” or “there are no guarantees but if you keep having regular sex I think you should get pregnant within the next 10 years”.  That way we would have an idea about what she means about it being “possible” and we could start coming up with Plan B accordingly.

Anyway, we are where we are.  After discussing everything, it looks as though we will be trying IVF in a few months’ time.  As always, however, things have been made unnecessarily complicated.  Essentially, we are entitled to NHS-funded IVF but it is not clear how many attempts we will get or when we will be allowed to have them.  As background, across the UK it varies and (assuming you fit the relevant criteria) you may be entitled to between 0 – 3 attempts depending on where the female’s GP is based.  Due to the location of my current GP (near my workplace) we are entitled to 1 attempt.  If I were at BT’s GP (near where he works) we would be entitled to 3 attempts.  If I re-register at a GP near our new home we will be entitled to 2 attempts, but they will make me wait at least a year before starting IVF, so I would be unable to start until 2017!

It all just seems so unfair when we have been through so much hell so far.  Unless you have been through it you simply can’t appreciate the despair someone feels at wanting (needing) something so badly and not knowing if it will ever happen.

It also makes me angry because we pay so much in tax (40% of our salaries) and a certain part of that will be funding people who have treatment for illnesses they have caused themselves, or conditions which do not have the same impact on a person’s life as infertility does or funding other people’s children’s education until they’re 16/18.  It’s not that I really resent paying for these things, as I am a big believer in helping others to have better health and education (amongst other things), but it does seem unfair that I am asking the state to help me with one thing and I’m effectively told “you get one shot at this, but please keep crippling yourself financially to pay for everybody else”.  I know that is melodramatic, but it’s hard not to feel that way when I lay awake every night wondering if we will ever have children and wondering how the hell we will save £6,000 (or £12,000/£18,000/£24,000 in the high chance that a single IVF round is unsuccessful).

Anyway, we should find out more in the new year about what we need to do and when things will be happening.


8 thoughts on “A little update…

  1. The money part is so frustrating. My husband and I have zero coverage even though we both pay for insurance through work and we have sunk 80k+ on this journey and are now going into debt. It is hard not to be frustrated but at the same time I am so thankful I am alive in an era where IVF is an established option. I know a few older ladies who never even had the shot to conceive with ART. I hang onto that gratitude if I start to get upset about the money. Best of luck!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you.

      Oh you poor thing! That is so much money to have spent for something you deserved to have for free. You’re right though: at least IVF gives us some hope! Some of my relatives don’t have children and I’m sure it’s because they were in our situation at a time when IVF wasn’t an option.

      Have you decided what your next steps will be?x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Same with some of my relatives. Breaks my heart. We are going to keep moving forward with IVF. I am ok with donor eggs but my husband wants to try a few more rounds with mine first. Easy for him to say 🙂


  2. I completely get this! Long story but I have had problems (known/suspected) since I was 25. I pay the high tax band too… We got denied the first time because my partner was still registered at his parents’ (his childhood home) GP and hadn’t changed. They said that we’d have to wait a year from his registration. Even though he’s paid council tax etc in this constituency for years! Anyway long story short but our GP is chair of something or other in the NHS and when we told him, we got another appointment (at a hospital closer to my work, so more convenient). I think the NHS does what it can but it can be extremely frustrating – I think it’s the number of people they have to deal with – they don’t have enough resources to treat us as individuals. I think there is a huge difference between someone who’s been trying for a year vs someone in my position of 15+ years infertility… but we get treated exactly the same. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I remember you saying about that before and being shocked…especially when he had been paying taxes in that area for years! I’m so pleased you finally saw someone sensible. It’s scary that you may STILL be waiting if you hadn’t, by chance, seen that particular doctor. I also think it’s bad that they’re not doing more tests and investigations after 15 years. I don’t know how you manage to stay so calm! I so hope your next round of IVF is successful x

      Liked by 1 person

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