We finally had our appointment at the Fertility Clinic and I don’t really know how I feel about it all.
In short, we ran through my test results and BT’s results and the consultant thinks that is is “possible” to conceive naturally but she would not say what that actually meant. When I questioned her about our actual chances, she just said “usually we say that 90% of healthy couples will conceive within two years”. This is quite unhelpful as (from a fertility perspective) we are not “healthy” and also I am AT YOUR CLINIC due to the length of time we have been trying, so I am clearly already in this 10%. What I needed her to say was either “there are no guarantees but if you keep having regular sex I think you’ll conceive within the next year” or “there are no guarantees but if you keep having regular sex I think you should get pregnant within the next 10 years”. That way we would have an idea about what she means about it being “possible” and we could start coming up with Plan B accordingly.
Anyway, we are where we are. After discussing everything, it looks as though we will be trying IVF in a few months’ time. As always, however, things have been made unnecessarily complicated. Essentially, we are entitled to NHS-funded IVF but it is not clear how many attempts we will get or when we will be allowed to have them. As background, across the UK it varies and (assuming you fit the relevant criteria) you may be entitled to between 0 – 3 attempts depending on where the female’s GP is based. Due to the location of my current GP (near my workplace) we are entitled to 1 attempt. If I were at BT’s GP (near where he works) we would be entitled to 3 attempts. If I re-register at a GP near our new home we will be entitled to 2 attempts, but they will make me wait at least a year before starting IVF, so I would be unable to start until 2017!
It all just seems so unfair when we have been through so much hell so far. Unless you have been through it you simply can’t appreciate the despair someone feels at wanting (needing) something so badly and not knowing if it will ever happen.
It also makes me angry because we pay so much in tax (40% of our salaries) and a certain part of that will be funding people who have treatment for illnesses they have caused themselves, or conditions which do not have the same impact on a person’s life as infertility does or funding other people’s children’s education until they’re 16/18. It’s not that I really resent paying for these things, as I am a big believer in helping others to have better health and education (amongst other things), but it does seem unfair that I am asking the state to help me with one thing and I’m effectively told “you get one shot at this, but please keep crippling yourself financially to pay for everybody else”. I know that is melodramatic, but it’s hard not to feel that way when I lay awake every night wondering if we will ever have children and wondering how the hell we will save £6,000 (or £12,000/£18,000/£24,000 in the high chance that a single IVF round is unsuccessful).
Anyway, we should find out more in the new year about what we need to do and when things will be happening.